Mel's Random Christmas Thoughts

Mel's Random Christmas Thoughts:

Shopping for teenagers...Ugh...just throw cash in the air Christmas morning and have them catch and run with it to the nearest shopping mall.

Pokémon cards are really not that easy to find.

I wish we could all get the feeling of "If I don't get so and so something for Christmas" they'll hate me out of our thinking.  Do for the kids only...I say. Everyone else over 18...get a job and get your own gifts. Christmas shouldn't be about obligation. If you have crossed that bridge of no guilt Christmas gift giving...Congrats!  (This excludes charitable giving to adults and children)

Inflatable Nativity Scenes....I'm trying to like this...not quite there...but hey...I'm keeping an open mind.  It's better than the plumbing company I saw display a Santa Sleigh made out of painted brown toilets with decorated reindeer antlers. No lie...so help me sometimes I click my heels to go to Kansas....for moments like that.

New Christmas Carols would be nice.  Renditions of the Oh' Holy Night over and over again...c'mon...surely someone can write a good memorable Christmas song these days.  Why doesn't anyone?  No one roasts chestnuts anymore. Rudolph should have automatic lights by now. Clap on clap off...Go Rudolph! I mean really. 

Quit making Santa skinny!! He's fine just the way he is.

Tinsel..I've never used it.  Apparently, it's something cats like and it makes the litter box festive.

Know that it's ok to miss your loved ones at Christmas.  Pretending to be happy can be so draining.  Do what you have to do and don't feel guilty about it.  Enjoy the season in spurts if you have to. There is no right or wrong way to do the Holidays.

Jesus...I think about his mom, Mary, this time of year. I know...technically it's not really his birthday and all...but I can't help but really wonder about her sometimes.  I would love to know what raising him was like. Did he have colic...did he get sick and she was there for him...was he a little rebellious as a kid...? Did she keep a diary? 

I may not be a perfectionist at Christmas...I don't do the elf on the shelf (although, I think I'd have way too much fun with it).  I don't wrap presents...I stuff them in bags with tissue paper...I decorate half purposeful...online shopping is my saving grace....making cookies for Santa...comes out of the Oreo's box nowadays...and I've lost count on how many days til Christmas it is.  One thing I do know is that I still love this time of year.  Friends, family, love, and peace on earth (even if it's wishful thinking)...and a gift wrapped in swaddling clothes...who was later wrapped in a seamless robe upon the cross...that's what it means to me.  Whatever it means to you...so be it...have a Blessed Holiday! A little Peace and Joy doesn't hurt anyone. 

Peace and prayers to Christians in countries that aren't allowed to even speak of Christ.

Second Place Joy

I hear frequent eulogies.  Most recently I heard one that finally put a phrase into the kind of joy that is difficult to really describe without it sounding like someone is a push over. We live day in and day out in a competitive world. Those that sit back and watch and cheer from the sidelines are often not given the credit they deserve. What if some people define success entirely differently? What if simplicity and soul comfort are really the only things someone desires to be happy? What if the happiness of others is really something that brings joy to someone? How do you describe these people?  They or we are the people of "second place joy." 

Second place joy! That's it..."The Wind Beneath My Wings" description. 
We may not all be too far from that.  Outside of goals and achievements from ourselves we all have a second place joy. Think about it:

You watch your child achieve more than you could ever have. (it makes you happy)
You give to the needy (it makes you happy)
You root for the underdog...and they win (it makes you happy)
You give when you don't have much really to give (it makes you happy)
You support someone else's dream (it makes you happy)
You sacrifice your own wants for someone else's (it makes you happy)

Fill in the blank....when we put others before ourselves and it makes us happy....second place joy. I like it.  Second place let's you win. There's the joy.

Reese's, A Fishing Rod, Grace, and Namaste....These are a A Few of my Funeral Things

I recently had a friend tell me I should journal about my funeral directing journey. I have often thought about this because I mostly want to do it for my kids...so they can have some sort of idea of what their mother was like or did outside of the laundry someday ;)  Without ever trespassing on any one's privacy I would love to share with them things that really teach me more about living than about death in this business.  Here are just a few examples I have so far.
I once had a lady come in before her father's funeral and express to me how important it was that a Folger's bucket that held her daddy's fishing poles be displayed during the service. It was important to the grand kids as they had just gone fishing with their grandpa the week before his passing and I thought it was just a lovely gesture. There was a fishing tackle box with his picture on it also and I have to hand it to talented, amazing florists for making an easel of flowers that had mini fishing rods attached to it. Fishing with grandpa became a memory but oh, what a Fish story of love that ended up being.
Then there was a whole flight squadron that came in their uniforms to the funeral for a young son of one of their own.  I lost my composure a little bit....I'm telling you it was hard to hold back the tears.  Every man and woman in their neatly pressed uniforms and polished shoes. Such a feeling of respect and admiration could not help but be felt that day and what a beautiful expression of support for the family that was.
Then there was the graveside service for a lady who always had soda pop handy in her fridge when company came over to visit because that's what people used to do you see....we used to visit...not text...and we had soda pops.  I mention her because her son had a violin player play "Amazing Grace".  It was the most beautiful "Amazing Grace" I have ever heard. It was played on a drizzly overcast morning at the graveside and I felt surely this woman had arrived safely to her resting place and I couldn't help but feel like she was having a soda pop with her Creator...just visiting.
Recently, as I walked into a chapel there was a bowl of Reese's peanut butter cups set out by a family,  tempting the chocolate addict in me.  I thought that if we don't get this service going soon I'm going to eat that whole bowl of peanut butter cups, try to explain it to the family, and then get fired all in the name of chocolate!  Their mother/grandmother had a favorite candy and they never saw her without them. She loved Reese's cups and so they thought it would be a great gesture to offer them to people who came into the service in her honor.  I thought it was precious...devilishly tempting...but just precious.
I did have a blessed opportunity to attend a Buddhist service.  I just share this because I love the diversity I get to be involved with in what I do. I say diversity but, we all have the same emotions.   My embalming instructor in school was Buddhist...and I always really enjoyed our discussions.  See, it took someone different from me to teach me a little something about what I love.  So, I end with this quote, "It is better to spend one day contemplating the birth and death of all things than a hundred years never contemplating beginning and ending." Buddha
Go fishing with your Grandpa....make an honorable military gesture...have a day where you eat nothing but chocolate and don't feel guilty about it....feel "Amazing Grace"  throughout your life and Namaste!!

When the Begats and the Whydats are Wearisome

Sometimes, I get frustrated reading the Bible.  Recently, I had a moment where I just had to close the book and have a talk (prayer) with the Lord.  In my reflection I expressed that I had trouble with a lot of the begats, whodats, what'sthat, how'sthat, whichdats, and whydats, of the Bible.  Sometimes, I don't know where to start or stop. Ok, that happens all the time. When I find something I like I later learn that based on someone's interpretation that it was actually a letter to so and so and not really written to me.  I finally decided to get to basics.  Basic...I'm born naked...without any mode of survival other than what those around me give me and nurture me with.  The bible I learned in the Sunday School of my youth is an entirely different one that I learned from the studies of my adulthood.  I had to take the Old Testament and New Testament classes in college....made a D for passing in Old and a B in New. Ask me to name all the books of the bible in order....I can't do it....ask me where to find a lot of biblical stories....can't do it.  I can tell you John 3:16-17 and quote many others without the chapter and the verse.  Ask me why the bible says what it does and why many characters seem really nutty....I can't tell you.  All I know is before I was old enough to realize that the bible actually had a historical depth to it as to writers of the books and the reasons behind it, Ms. Pearl, my bus driver to elementary school in Houston, TX picked me up one morning...she gave me a book that was the Lord's Prayer....and I would get a pickle if I could recite it or for good behavior.  I can tell you that before my mother, Alma, died she would go to dialysis treatments full of doubt in God and if it weren't for a lady that took care of her at that treatment center and prayed with her and gave her comfort, she would have lost the strength of faith and hope.  I can tell you that there are people that I run into that don't overthink what the bible says...they feel it...they know that their relationship with God is real because it is inherent within them.  Many times they are better equipped spiritually than the one that overthinks the context of the bible.  Prove to me that the love we feel for other people in our lives is strictly based on science, that appreciation for art, nature, music,whatever, is strictly moving something other than the soul then I really don't have much defense when it comes to spirituality. I don't need a scripture to throw in someone's face to prove otherwise. We all have our own spiritual journey.  I am at peace with not knowing all the answers and with taking a break away from the details that get in the way of a relationship with God.  It is my belief that at the hour of my death....there will not be a grumpy old troll asking me to quote scripture beyond my comprehension in order to pass through the pearly gates.  In fact, I don't know what will happen but then to paraphrase someone, "I don't remember being anxious or knowing what happened at birth."  Whatever your journey with your soul...in depth or not...be kind to yourself...don't let arrogance get in the way of having to have the answers you want and don't feel you have to constantly prove yourself or your existence.  Be you and most importantly...Be love.

Weddings, Abilene, Hair, and Politics

Sometimes, I have all these random thoughts that I just can't narrow it down to just one topic to write about in a blog so, the following has no flow or rhyme and reason...just some thoughts I've pondered on recently.

Excited about my sister's wedding.  I love weddings.  I cry at them...judge the bridesmaids attire ;), love the cakes, the flowers, and most importantly the exchanging of vows. It's in that one moment when vows are exchanged that makes me fall in love with true love all over again, a promise to one another that to seek the best for each other is worth a sacrifice of self.  In the vows...there is no.."Your job is to make me happy...buy me a yacht or win the lottery....you better put your own clothes away....look like you did when you were 20 for the rest of your life....serve me or else." In fact, it is just the opposite...vows that express a desire to give the other one love in the good and bad times...in the grey hair days, bald head days, and better than Donald Trump hair days.  It's not about where the world has gone wrong with these vows....I'm not an expert in marriage...still trying to figure the whole thing out. I have no say in how people should live their lives as a married couple...whatever. I just simply like the vows exchanged at weddings that are truly an expression of what love is meant to be about.  The way we preach day in and day out about how we want social justices in the world etc. Unconditional...dragged through the poop and swimming in the crystal clear oceans kind of love.

I love Abilene!  I was driving down Buffalo Gap Rd. the other night in the rain.  A rare time when there was no one on the road but me.  I never thought I'd come back here and in fact it was never a goal to come back.  I remember when I was young I told my Dad, "I can't wait to move to a big city and get out of this town."  My Dad took offense and rightly so.  Driving down the road that night I felt this huge burden lifted off of my shoulders that I'd been carrying around for awhile and didn't even realize it.  It's where I need to be in this season of my life for sure.

Getting my hair done has been an experience in this town.  I decided at the end of the day to try the local beauty school.  The students need the practice and I guess I was brave and cheap.  While my hair turned out fine....the last thing you ever want to hear while your hair is covered in gunk is, " Oh my God...I am so sorry."  I turned pale but in the end...it was a very minor timing issue and not one that would have ruined my hair. Thank you Lord!!

People's political devotions and intolerances are getting on my nerves.  I  am not perfect and I know I have posted my share of different opinions but when people cannot tolerate each other's differences especially after they go on and on about their own...it just irks me.  So, fine...say what you want about not preaching God whatever but then the next social media post or language has to do with political indoctrination. In my opinion...religion and politics hate each other because they are exactly alike.

Well, blogs aren't supposed to be novels so I'll save more of my thoughts for another day.

"Houston Means I'm One Step Closer to You"

Dear Houston,
     The first memory I have of you was Peppermint Park.  It was such a treat to get to go there when I was little.  AstroWorld...cable cars where you would ride across the park and look down on it thinking you were on top of the world.  The Houston Zoo....gorillas...lion water fountains...and later, overnight camps with my kid.  Astrodome and the Houston Oilers...I still remember my dad singing "Houston Oilers Number One" as we left the stadium when I was about 7.  Charlie's Hamburger Joint.  To this day I can't find another hamburger that was ever as good as Charlie's.  Skyscrapers...beautiful skyline....and can't forget Foley's...the downtown Foley's was a special treat to go to around Christmas when I was a kid.  Underground tunnel with shops and food.  Pine trees....oh how I love Pine trees,pine needles, and pine cones.  Cultural diversity....religious diversity.  The Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo (George Strait would sell out every time).  Galveston...I always felt like I needed 10 showers after going there but the fun day trips including seagull thieves of picnic foods was all worth it.  The Medical Center....the mecca of knowledge and research...and hope.  Magnolia trees...highways...long twisty very high highways.  Rich people....and very poor people.  The Galleria...ice skating...shopping splendor.  Harwin street...knock-off shopping splendor.  Trader's Village...for the flea in all of us.  Tex Mex food....mmm....mmm.  Real Chinese food...ok...all the food that's as diverse and as good as you can imagine.  Theatre District....Museum District...Nasa...where Space Travel once was magical.  Friends...
Houston...you and I became dear dear friends.  I laughed a lot and I definitely cried a lot in your care.  I will miss you and I have to come visit you because you will always be my Heart Home.  I'm trading you in for the wide open spaces of West Texas where the stars are bigger than Big Tex's Cowboy Hat at the State Fair and the smell of cow patties after a good rain is actually something that smells of good country living.  I'll think of you often as my husband will carry on about the Astros and I'll just hope he gets disgruntled about them enough to pack up the car and head to an Astros game one weekend.  Love ya Houston!! Thank you...thank you so much for what I've gained while I've been here.  Twenty years total...that's a greeting card mention.  Maybe at least song worthy.

"Houston Means I'm One Step Closer to You..."

Where's Superman?

This Boston Marathon bombing is such a reminder about the delicacy and strength of our human fabric.  I, like many others, search for answers, for comfort, for unity.  Where do we go and what do we seek when things don't make sense? When evil catches us off guard? When our souls yearn for answers or peace?  I found myself looking up quotes that I might find of comfort. A pretty common and brilliant one posted by many was that of Fred Rogers about looking for the rescuers...those that care during times of tragedy.  I thought about clergy and wondered if they'd have some words of wisdom to make sense of it all.  I sat and listened to our President yesterday yearning for a message of strength and hope. Where's Superman?  Well, look in the mirror and put on your cape people because it's you...it's me...it's everyone with an ounce of integrity.  Love, love, love, and love!! If the greatest commandment is love then do it!!  It is not written that we must love unless....it is written that we must love one another!!  People did that in Boston, after 9/11, after Newtown, after Oklahoma City, after you name it since the beginning of time we have been doing it After.  They didn't walk up to people that were hurt and ask them to pull out their identification about what they believed about politics, religion, race, sex, vegan, meat eater, or lover of cupcakes before they assisted them.    I pledge to stand by anything that stands for love and apply that same screening to help during times of crisis to my everyday life.  I wasn't made for this world for hate...that I don't want to take with me.  I want to love NOW and not just AFTER.  That's my work in progress goal...what's yours? 

My Random Top 10 Thoughts

Things that have randomly bugged me or been on my mind as of late:

1) Whoever stole 5.5 tons of Nutella in Germany...Genius!!

2)  Ok, there's Thatcher and Funicello...there's always 3 so, still waiting...if it's ever Willie Nelson...don't tell me...I'll lose it.  BTW...Britain and Disney lost some spectacular ladies!

3)  Kim Jong-un...hmm...now, he's a character isn't he?  I poke fun at him...but really, a man that controls and mind controls a country...should not be underestimated.

4)  Gun control...I'm no expert and I don't like guns but the way I see it...Whoever is holding the gun no matter how it is obtained...is in control.  I support universal background checks but I'm worried people won't seek treatments for mental illnesses that wouldn't cause them to massacre innocent people because of the stigma of losing a right to protect themselves.  I need more FYI on this matter.  Bills always seem to get passed without really detailing to the public what they mean.  The more you know...

5)  I spoke to a friend of mine today that was at the campus where the exacto knife stabbings took place yesterday.  She said it happened in front of her classroom.  That whole situation is in my thoughts and prayers. How can we prevent these things?  We have mandatory sex-ed classes, anti-bullying classes,  alcohol awareness classes, but do we need mandatory Mental Health awareness classes?  There's no shame in having a mental illness...there is shame in not doing something about it.

6)  I like The Talk way better than The View...someone please cancel The View.

7)  I miss Ann Curry on Today, so glad Dallas is on the air, please get rid of all the bachelor/bachelorette shows, and obviously I watch too much tv if I care about these things.

8)  How lovely it is to step away from the noise every now and then

9)  One day at a time.

10)  Teaching my daughter how to drive...not my strong point.

Calm Yourself Down!

The sound of your child at 2 a.m. struggling to breathe is nerve wracking for any parent.  Last night was one of those nights.  Bryant has had the fun of the croup that always requires an ER visit since he was a baby.  He hasn't had a spell since he was 2 and I was so hopeful he had outgrown it...but nope..not yet.  My other kids barked through the night but this little guy develops stridor, a very labored breathing which looks and sounds like he is breathing through a capri sun straw, along with his bark.  There was no warning before he went to bed, no illness, no cold...nada...just a sudden he's awake and he can't breathe.  Before I go any further...let me assure you he is fine now...all is well that ends well...but this is more of a blog about how everyone should have that, "Calm the crud down" kind of person in their lives...or at least one on speed dial.
Last night...Toby held onto Bryant while I threw on anything I found...pretty sure I tried to put my bra on the outside of my shirt...and the whole time I'm debating whether or not to call an ambulance as I know at this point I can get him to a hospital quicker than the ambulance can. Toby the whole time...calm...yet I know scared as heck...kept reassuring me to calm down or I'll scare Bryant and make it worse. These are the times I just wish Calgon would turn into a giant fairy, come down and swoop me away like magic! Grabbed my keys...and my kid...ran to the van...had to pull my dog out of the car as he decided he wanted to go with us and was being stubborn....I slammed the door and was so relieved when I saw Toby with shoes in hand open the passenger side door and climb in with me. As I drove he kept an eye on little man as I flashed my hazard lights and drove like a NASCAR driver to the nearest hospital.  All the while...Toby calmly.....yet inwardly freaking out over my driving skills,  reminds me that if I don't slow down and take it easy we are all going to get killed on our way there.  Pulled into the ER drive and they took us back during triage. Thank goodness! 
Three hours go by after breathing treatments, vomit, and steroids...and as I laid my head down on my pillow all I said was "Thank you Lord for the people in my life that help keep me calm in the storms."  I knew if my husband panicked....then there was something to panic about...because he is blessed with the cool head in our family. 
So, what have I learned?  A) Probably a good idea to have a central location to store middle of the night things you might need to take and wear with you in case of an emergency B) Have a designated Has to stay Calm person...and tag team if necessary C) Have at least a few people down on speed dial that you could call in the middle of the night and tell them you feel like robbing a bank...and they would either calm you down and talk you out of it....or join you! 

Silence was Golden

So, I gave up FB for Lent. It hardly seems a sacrifice in comparison to the 40 days and nights of temptation Jesus endured in the desert.  This is what I observed:

Wow! How nice it was to walk into a mall, movie theatre, come across random people or run into people I know out in the real world and not be shouted at about how they're right and I'm wrong about everything I believe.  There seems to be a tolerance in the real world that I really miss on the internet. 

I feel like every other movie I watched on my hiatus had Denzel Washington in it and Man...he is good!!  What can that man not be a good actor in?!  He had me crying in Flight....John Q...Antwone Fisher...and Philadelphia.  You could probably put him in a comedy with Robin Williams...and I'd cry about something he did in that movie too!

I read my Bible...and how I wished my pages were more worn than they are.  I read devotionals of love, nature, kindness, and peace. 

I stepped out of my thoughts to be silent and listen for a change.  No judgements...no thoughts of persecution...no self righteous indignation....just listened.  No prayer requests...no to do list for God...no wish lists....just didn't feel like talking...I just wanted to be present...

Lamentations 3:28 "Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him."

I logged into Pinterest... a lot...actually used a few recipes...it's a world for scary brilliant crafty people...like an underworld society for overachieving type A Better Homes and Gardens...Eat your heart out Martha Stewart...cult members ;)  I don't fit in...that's ok...the cult members still like me and let me hang around despite my flaws with Craftyligion.

I realized Asteroids were real...were aimed right at us...hit Russia...and everyone still went about their day.

I cleaned my house...then the kids trashed it again...and repeat...

Most importantly...I let go of some of my resentment toward God.  Awhile back I didn't want to participate in the Lent process....I was angry because I felt as if I had been spent spiritually as to how much more God wanted to sacrifice of me.  I felt like I had no more left to give...my sorrows were just too much already to ask...that the thought of "giving up" anything else made me feel bitter towards him.  What I found though for me during this Lenten season was that it wasn't about sacrifice at all...that was so tiny in the spectrum of things as I mentioned above....what I found was that it was an invitation from Him saying..."Walk with Me."

It was a good walk...

Let's Talk Mammograms Ladies

I had a mammogram today.  No, I'm not 40 yet.  I had some concerns and got this and an ultrasound done under my arm. Thankfully, all was fine.  Before I had this done I was a a bundle of nerves.  I'd never had this done and all I'd heard was horror stories and seen overexaggerated clips of them on t.v. dramas or sitcoms.  I just knew I would be the one who would get stuck in the machine and have my wonderful friends hold a community rally to get me out of it all the while laughing at me also. (Yes, I did joke about that with a friend of mine...also a mammogram novice). What are  girlfriends for other than to make you feel at ease about getting your check ups ;)? 
Let me tell you how it went...so you won't be a chicken turd like me.  I walked into a nice waiting room at a woman's center.  Simple but dainty looking. They had hot coffee, hot tea, water, and graham crackers available.  The staff was friendly.  Their bathroom said, "Powder Room" instead of restroom.  Motivational signs were hanging on the walls in pink.  I was met promptly by the radiology tech.  She had a pleasant smile and she directed me to an area to hang my clothes and drape myself with some gown looking shawl thing.  I looked around the room as she prepared this big scary looking machine before me.  In one corner was a white tree decorated with pretty breast cancer ribbon ornaments and had words like sparkle and shine on it.  On another wall were the words, "Believe" and "Courageous."  Pink ribbons were on the machine and all I could think of was that breast cancer is real.  It was something to believe in miracles for and to be courageous about.  I started to think of ladies I knew that had been diagnosed with breast cancer, all different ages, and how some survived and some didn't.  I had their brave faces with me in my heart today.   "Place your toe on the X on the floor," were the next words I heard.  Nope, didn't sit down for the mammo.  Then the tech guided me into place on the slab of the machine and I thought surely the thing coming down would squish me like a pancake.  Surprisingly, it was not at all that uncomfortable. Awkward, but not painful.  Held my breath for a still xray and on to the next awkward pose.  Before you know it...I was done...and off to the easy sonogram part which is not even worth mentioning that's how easy it was.  Well, other than the tech was kind enough to warm the gel first.
While I waited for the results I laid there and thought about all the women who laid there before me and prayed for them and for those who will be laying there after me.  I don't know what their diagnosis will be or what it was but it made me feel like as the common ground of womanhood it felt natural to me to just say a thought or prayer of peace for them.  So, this all being said, listen to your body, even if you think you are nuts. Mine turned out to be nothing to worry about funky lymph nodes. "Mammograms are really sort of a gift. You can either catch something early or count your lucky stars because nothing was discovered. Either way, you're ahead of the game."- Charlotte Ross. 

Hobby the Lobby or Lobby for Hobby?

I read an article on CNN today about Hobby Lobby facing fines for going against Obamacare.  Well, ok, I get it...we all get fined when we don't follow the laws so that didn't really bother me.  This is a difficult topic for me to cover because emotionally it's a tough one.  My mother was a type I diabetic.  She was advised not to have my sister and I.  In fact during her pregnancies it was suggested that she abort.  This is a case where the mother's life was definitely in danger and quite honestly I am still just amazed that she went through with the pregnancies.  As a result of the pressures from pregnancy she developed complications that later led to her early death at age 32.  For the longest time I was a Pro-Life voice that had no problem with people standing on the side of the road holding a sign about saving babies kind of person.  That was me.  I felt like I owed it to my mother on a personal level to be that person. The judgemental one when it came to that.  Well, life lessons change us sometimes. I'm still about saving babies but my judgemental attitude about it has been way more tamed now than what it used to be.  I remember working for a catholic based hospital after I had my son Isaac. I was supposed to have had my tubes tied after he was born but because he was a preemie the doctor advised against the procedure....so, yes...we had Bryant 5 years later.  Tubes were tied then.  Ok, back to my point.  After I had Isaac I was in no way interested in having another child because the whole ordeal scared me so much. My lung collapsed etc., I was in ICU, I basically almost died.  When it came time to get on birth control pills my insurance denied me the coverage. I needed a special brand due to some of the other benefits it offered so it was a pricey prescription for a middle class income family.  I remember feeling angry and outraged that the nuns wouldn't agree to pay for my birth control.  Did they not understand that pregnancy wasn't necessarily a good thing for everyone? They were on the board of a hospital that takes care of people....and I guarantee not everyone who walked in that hospital was there for illnesses that couldn't have otherwise been prevented had they not been "sinless."  So, why was I being punished I thought? I'm a married woman just trying to be affordably responsible.  Well, I forked out the monthly expense begrudgingly and carried on.  Did this change the fact that I was pro-life? No.  Then later...the big whammy...consider having to make the choice about disconnecting life support?  Well, guess what?  I had to make that choice for my Dad and it was the most difficult and most painful decision I have ever made in my entire life.  I live with the pain of that decision always...not because I feel like I made the wrong one but no human should ever have to be put in that position to do that.  It took a painful amount of love to do it.  So, imagine my disgust and sadness when I realize that the Pro-Life Movement doesn't support  those kind of decisions.  I felt judged and questioned my own beliefs.  It is not something someone wants to have to carry a burden of to begin with. While, personally, it is my opinion that abortions shouldn't ever be used as an alternative to birth control I feel that the Pro-life movements views on end of life decisions has clouded the topic even more.  Can you be pro-life with grace?  I think so.  I believe you can be. The bottom line is everyone doesn't walk in the same shoes.  So, Hobby Lobby doesn't want to pay for abortion inducing drugs? Fine...it's a conscience thing. I get it.  I'm not going to quit shopping at places that choose not to go against Obamacare's mandates just like I'll probably continue going to Hobby Lobby for insane reasons like I feel like being crafty that day. Whatever! I'm not crafty for the record...but just in case.  Here's how I feel though...they have the right to fight for what they believe in.  Everyone does. If they don't want to carry a burden that would in some way make them feel responsible for ending the life of another human being then I respect that.  That burden can be too difficult of a burden to bear.  There are far more other companies that are not going against the Obamacare mandates when it comes to this issue.  I also worked for other companies that did pay for birth control. What are we trying to prove if we mandate Hobby Lobby to go against its beliefs? Their rights should be just as protected as those making the decision to abort.  I hate that anyone has to make decisions about abortions or life support.  The thought of abortions makes me very sad but so does disconnecting life support.  I'll be anxious to see how the case ends up with Hobby Lobby.  Just throwing out some food for thought.

The Seeds We Sow

I went to a community group where we read the Parable of the Sower and the Seed (Matthew 13:1-23).

"On the same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the sea. 2 And great multitudes were gathered to Him, so that He got into a boat and sat down; and the whole multitude stood on the shore.

3 Then He spoke many things to them in parables, saying: “Behold, a sower went out to sow. 4 And as he sowed, some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds came and devoured them. 5 Some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth; they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth. 6 But when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away. 7 And some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up and choked them. 8 But others fell on good ground and yielded a crop, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. 9 He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”

I struggled with this scripture. I think because, although, it mostly describes the results of the seeds and the ground it lands on, I had to put myself in the sower's position. My mom used to say two phrases repeatedly throughout her life, "You can't go so far that your tail won't catch up to ya" and "You reap what you sow." She was totally right about the first phrase. That tail has a way of whipping a sting on you once it does catch up and it does...it always does. Ouch! I always had a hard time understanding and taking responsibility for the latter phrase. "You reap what you sow." My conservative views have me believe that everyone is responsible for themselves and "I am not my brother's keeper" so to say. Well, I think that's true to an extent but how I treat someone is what I sow. If I'm critical all the time about someone then what I've planted is a seed that blossoms insecurity, apathy, and mistrust. If I am always yelling at my kids I've planted a seed that makes little flowers yell back. No one buys those at the floral shop. It is so much harder though to get the good seeds I plant to grow it seems. Kindness, love, acceptance, while these seeds are appreciated it is more difficult to see their growth especially when these seeds don't take root, fall by the wayside, and are devoured by wickedness because these seeds aren't understood. Sometimes we plant good and bad seeds and we just don't know exactly what we are going to reap. If we are lucky the good seeds will take root and flourish. Not all good seeds flourish and that's what I struggle with. I struggle with the exhaustion of taking the effort to plant good seeds and not seeing the crop I expected. I remember riding in a tractor with my grandpa on his land. That man worked really hard on that soil and taking care of those cattle. There was no doubt that he gave 100% to his crops etc. Even though he painstakingly did all that was right, in the end when it came time to harvest or take the cows for slaughter there was no guarantee that he was going to be paid fairly for his labor. Mother nature worked against him yet he would still plow and plow. Calves died sometimes and cows weren't always prize-winning material. Yet, he'd go on and loved his work. It's as if he knew that was part of the job. You win some...you lose some...no matter how hard you work to win. So, "You reap what you sow." Well, not always I don't think but it's always better to plant the good seeds just in case. Maybe that's what Mom meant.

Restorative Art

I have begun another quarter in my Funeral Services studies.  Here's my list...Forensic Pathology, Embalming, Restorative Art, Mortuary Law, and Funeral Merchandising.  All interesting topics.  The one I am intimidated the most by is Restorative Art.  I have never had any art skills whatsoever.  If you think this is just about putting makeup on little old ladies when they pass away...you are wrong.  I wanted to believe this was all that was involved in this process but I knew when I got into this that it wouldn't always be the case.  The restorative art process is essential in providing service for family members that will receive one last viewing of their loved one.  I will leave out a lot of details out of respect.  I will say that it can be a very lengthy process.  Funeral directors are given tasks sometimes with not a whole lot to work with.  This is just a fact of life and death.  They must do their very best to be able to restore for the sake of the decedant's loved ones.  Sometimes, this takes, shaping, molding, special cosmetics, time, etc.
Then, I get to thinking.  Restorative art...hmm...how many times do we throw away our good parts while we are living because we don't want to take the pain staking effort to restore our lives or help restore the lives of others?  How many times do we say, "Oh, that is not my problem, or Oh, that will take way too long?" How many times do we excuse ourselves from lending a helping hand or even a smile because we pass instant judgement? 
I heard someone say recently in reference to a church that caters to mostly recovering addicts that, "The people really loved going there because everywhere else they've gone they have felt judged and turned away." Really?!  I'll never forget the time my husband walked into a church in a little West Texas town wearing a nice shirt and a pair of jeans and to our disappointment the pastor walked up to him and said, "How nice of you to get dressed up for church."  I walked out of church that morning heartbroken but thankfully, I know that Jesus doesn't care if I pray to him in my pajamas or if I wear jeans to church or not. He just wants me to show up for "duty." Others are not so fortunate. What if that had been the first time I had ever gone to church or what if someone's soul needed  more restoring than their pants?  Jesus was not given a crown of jewels on this earth, he was given a crown of thorns, wore sandals, and came from humble means. Just for a side note, my husband works for a church today and no not every church gives out those negative vibes.  I go to a service there and wear jeans loudly and proudly. I have sung  "How Great Thou Art" in my Levi's!
We all have our broken places and know others that are broken. Those places can be ugly.  The scars can be long.  The restorative process can be long, the journey difficult, and sometimes it feels like there isn't a lot to work with, but the art worthwile.