Let's Talk Mammograms Ladies

I had a mammogram today.  No, I'm not 40 yet.  I had some concerns and got this and an ultrasound done under my arm. Thankfully, all was fine.  Before I had this done I was a a bundle of nerves.  I'd never had this done and all I'd heard was horror stories and seen overexaggerated clips of them on t.v. dramas or sitcoms.  I just knew I would be the one who would get stuck in the machine and have my wonderful friends hold a community rally to get me out of it all the while laughing at me also. (Yes, I did joke about that with a friend of mine...also a mammogram novice). What are  girlfriends for other than to make you feel at ease about getting your check ups ;)? 
Let me tell you how it went...so you won't be a chicken turd like me.  I walked into a nice waiting room at a woman's center.  Simple but dainty looking. They had hot coffee, hot tea, water, and graham crackers available.  The staff was friendly.  Their bathroom said, "Powder Room" instead of restroom.  Motivational signs were hanging on the walls in pink.  I was met promptly by the radiology tech.  She had a pleasant smile and she directed me to an area to hang my clothes and drape myself with some gown looking shawl thing.  I looked around the room as she prepared this big scary looking machine before me.  In one corner was a white tree decorated with pretty breast cancer ribbon ornaments and had words like sparkle and shine on it.  On another wall were the words, "Believe" and "Courageous."  Pink ribbons were on the machine and all I could think of was that breast cancer is real.  It was something to believe in miracles for and to be courageous about.  I started to think of ladies I knew that had been diagnosed with breast cancer, all different ages, and how some survived and some didn't.  I had their brave faces with me in my heart today.   "Place your toe on the X on the floor," were the next words I heard.  Nope, didn't sit down for the mammo.  Then the tech guided me into place on the slab of the machine and I thought surely the thing coming down would squish me like a pancake.  Surprisingly, it was not at all that uncomfortable. Awkward, but not painful.  Held my breath for a still xray and on to the next awkward pose.  Before you know it...I was done...and off to the easy sonogram part which is not even worth mentioning that's how easy it was.  Well, other than the tech was kind enough to warm the gel first.
While I waited for the results I laid there and thought about all the women who laid there before me and prayed for them and for those who will be laying there after me.  I don't know what their diagnosis will be or what it was but it made me feel like as the common ground of womanhood it felt natural to me to just say a thought or prayer of peace for them.  So, this all being said, listen to your body, even if you think you are nuts. Mine turned out to be nothing to worry about funky lymph nodes. "Mammograms are really sort of a gift. You can either catch something early or count your lucky stars because nothing was discovered. Either way, you're ahead of the game."- Charlotte Ross. 

Hobby the Lobby or Lobby for Hobby?

I read an article on CNN today about Hobby Lobby facing fines for going against Obamacare.  Well, ok, I get it...we all get fined when we don't follow the laws so that didn't really bother me.  This is a difficult topic for me to cover because emotionally it's a tough one.  My mother was a type I diabetic.  She was advised not to have my sister and I.  In fact during her pregnancies it was suggested that she abort.  This is a case where the mother's life was definitely in danger and quite honestly I am still just amazed that she went through with the pregnancies.  As a result of the pressures from pregnancy she developed complications that later led to her early death at age 32.  For the longest time I was a Pro-Life voice that had no problem with people standing on the side of the road holding a sign about saving babies kind of person.  That was me.  I felt like I owed it to my mother on a personal level to be that person. The judgemental one when it came to that.  Well, life lessons change us sometimes. I'm still about saving babies but my judgemental attitude about it has been way more tamed now than what it used to be.  I remember working for a catholic based hospital after I had my son Isaac. I was supposed to have had my tubes tied after he was born but because he was a preemie the doctor advised against the procedure....so, yes...we had Bryant 5 years later.  Tubes were tied then.  Ok, back to my point.  After I had Isaac I was in no way interested in having another child because the whole ordeal scared me so much. My lung collapsed etc., I was in ICU, I basically almost died.  When it came time to get on birth control pills my insurance denied me the coverage. I needed a special brand due to some of the other benefits it offered so it was a pricey prescription for a middle class income family.  I remember feeling angry and outraged that the nuns wouldn't agree to pay for my birth control.  Did they not understand that pregnancy wasn't necessarily a good thing for everyone? They were on the board of a hospital that takes care of people....and I guarantee not everyone who walked in that hospital was there for illnesses that couldn't have otherwise been prevented had they not been "sinless."  So, why was I being punished I thought? I'm a married woman just trying to be affordably responsible.  Well, I forked out the monthly expense begrudgingly and carried on.  Did this change the fact that I was pro-life? No.  Then later...the big whammy...consider having to make the choice about disconnecting life support?  Well, guess what?  I had to make that choice for my Dad and it was the most difficult and most painful decision I have ever made in my entire life.  I live with the pain of that decision always...not because I feel like I made the wrong one but no human should ever have to be put in that position to do that.  It took a painful amount of love to do it.  So, imagine my disgust and sadness when I realize that the Pro-Life Movement doesn't support  those kind of decisions.  I felt judged and questioned my own beliefs.  It is not something someone wants to have to carry a burden of to begin with. While, personally, it is my opinion that abortions shouldn't ever be used as an alternative to birth control I feel that the Pro-life movements views on end of life decisions has clouded the topic even more.  Can you be pro-life with grace?  I think so.  I believe you can be. The bottom line is everyone doesn't walk in the same shoes.  So, Hobby Lobby doesn't want to pay for abortion inducing drugs? Fine...it's a conscience thing. I get it.  I'm not going to quit shopping at places that choose not to go against Obamacare's mandates just like I'll probably continue going to Hobby Lobby for insane reasons like I feel like being crafty that day. Whatever! I'm not crafty for the record...but just in case.  Here's how I feel though...they have the right to fight for what they believe in.  Everyone does. If they don't want to carry a burden that would in some way make them feel responsible for ending the life of another human being then I respect that.  That burden can be too difficult of a burden to bear.  There are far more other companies that are not going against the Obamacare mandates when it comes to this issue.  I also worked for other companies that did pay for birth control. What are we trying to prove if we mandate Hobby Lobby to go against its beliefs? Their rights should be just as protected as those making the decision to abort.  I hate that anyone has to make decisions about abortions or life support.  The thought of abortions makes me very sad but so does disconnecting life support.  I'll be anxious to see how the case ends up with Hobby Lobby.  Just throwing out some food for thought.

The Seeds We Sow

I went to a community group where we read the Parable of the Sower and the Seed (Matthew 13:1-23).

"On the same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the sea. 2 And great multitudes were gathered to Him, so that He got into a boat and sat down; and the whole multitude stood on the shore.

3 Then He spoke many things to them in parables, saying: “Behold, a sower went out to sow. 4 And as he sowed, some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds came and devoured them. 5 Some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth; they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth. 6 But when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away. 7 And some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up and choked them. 8 But others fell on good ground and yielded a crop, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. 9 He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”

I struggled with this scripture. I think because, although, it mostly describes the results of the seeds and the ground it lands on, I had to put myself in the sower's position. My mom used to say two phrases repeatedly throughout her life, "You can't go so far that your tail won't catch up to ya" and "You reap what you sow." She was totally right about the first phrase. That tail has a way of whipping a sting on you once it does catch up and it does...it always does. Ouch! I always had a hard time understanding and taking responsibility for the latter phrase. "You reap what you sow." My conservative views have me believe that everyone is responsible for themselves and "I am not my brother's keeper" so to say. Well, I think that's true to an extent but how I treat someone is what I sow. If I'm critical all the time about someone then what I've planted is a seed that blossoms insecurity, apathy, and mistrust. If I am always yelling at my kids I've planted a seed that makes little flowers yell back. No one buys those at the floral shop. It is so much harder though to get the good seeds I plant to grow it seems. Kindness, love, acceptance, while these seeds are appreciated it is more difficult to see their growth especially when these seeds don't take root, fall by the wayside, and are devoured by wickedness because these seeds aren't understood. Sometimes we plant good and bad seeds and we just don't know exactly what we are going to reap. If we are lucky the good seeds will take root and flourish. Not all good seeds flourish and that's what I struggle with. I struggle with the exhaustion of taking the effort to plant good seeds and not seeing the crop I expected. I remember riding in a tractor with my grandpa on his land. That man worked really hard on that soil and taking care of those cattle. There was no doubt that he gave 100% to his crops etc. Even though he painstakingly did all that was right, in the end when it came time to harvest or take the cows for slaughter there was no guarantee that he was going to be paid fairly for his labor. Mother nature worked against him yet he would still plow and plow. Calves died sometimes and cows weren't always prize-winning material. Yet, he'd go on and loved his work. It's as if he knew that was part of the job. You win some...you lose some...no matter how hard you work to win. So, "You reap what you sow." Well, not always I don't think but it's always better to plant the good seeds just in case. Maybe that's what Mom meant.

Restorative Art

I have begun another quarter in my Funeral Services studies.  Here's my list...Forensic Pathology, Embalming, Restorative Art, Mortuary Law, and Funeral Merchandising.  All interesting topics.  The one I am intimidated the most by is Restorative Art.  I have never had any art skills whatsoever.  If you think this is just about putting makeup on little old ladies when they pass away...you are wrong.  I wanted to believe this was all that was involved in this process but I knew when I got into this that it wouldn't always be the case.  The restorative art process is essential in providing service for family members that will receive one last viewing of their loved one.  I will leave out a lot of details out of respect.  I will say that it can be a very lengthy process.  Funeral directors are given tasks sometimes with not a whole lot to work with.  This is just a fact of life and death.  They must do their very best to be able to restore for the sake of the decedant's loved ones.  Sometimes, this takes, shaping, molding, special cosmetics, time, etc.
Then, I get to thinking.  Restorative art...hmm...how many times do we throw away our good parts while we are living because we don't want to take the pain staking effort to restore our lives or help restore the lives of others?  How many times do we say, "Oh, that is not my problem, or Oh, that will take way too long?" How many times do we excuse ourselves from lending a helping hand or even a smile because we pass instant judgement? 
I heard someone say recently in reference to a church that caters to mostly recovering addicts that, "The people really loved going there because everywhere else they've gone they have felt judged and turned away." Really?!  I'll never forget the time my husband walked into a church in a little West Texas town wearing a nice shirt and a pair of jeans and to our disappointment the pastor walked up to him and said, "How nice of you to get dressed up for church."  I walked out of church that morning heartbroken but thankfully, I know that Jesus doesn't care if I pray to him in my pajamas or if I wear jeans to church or not. He just wants me to show up for "duty." Others are not so fortunate. What if that had been the first time I had ever gone to church or what if someone's soul needed  more restoring than their pants?  Jesus was not given a crown of jewels on this earth, he was given a crown of thorns, wore sandals, and came from humble means. Just for a side note, my husband works for a church today and no not every church gives out those negative vibes.  I go to a service there and wear jeans loudly and proudly. I have sung  "How Great Thou Art" in my Levi's!
We all have our broken places and know others that are broken. Those places can be ugly.  The scars can be long.  The restorative process can be long, the journey difficult, and sometimes it feels like there isn't a lot to work with, but the art worthwile. 

Random thoughts from a Mortuary Student

On my journey to becoming a funeral director/embalmer I've thought about a few things. Isn't it ironic that in death we are all equal?  Death doesn't pick favorites, could care less about what social class we are in, how old we are, who we worship, who we love, who we voted for, and the list goes on.  I think it's interesting that the only thing that separates us in our perceived notions of what is good and what is bad is before we are born and when we die. It's the in between we call and accept as a life that we can see, that we can grasp, it's our reality because why?...Because we can see and feel it.  From the moment we are born we are in some way or another classified. Is it human nature or a flaw in our nature?  Some are born to riches and some are born to poverty and then there's those in between folks, like myself.  We become dependent on our surroundings and cling to those who nurture us along the way. Most often, adopting a lot of the same ideals and philosophies as those we are in closest contact with.  Everything we sense with our senses becomes intertwined with what's within us and how we process that becomes our reality and our perception. Why does it become so important for us to out class each other or rather out do each other?  I think the answer is simple. It is instinct.  I like to think of a line from Steel Magnolias when Clarie says, " The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize."  How does instinct survive?  Look at the lion and it doesn't take much to figure out that even he in the most natural of places in the world is, "King of the Jungle."  I can't tell you for certain what goes on before life and after death in an intangible aspect.  I think that's an individual journey.  What I wonder is who really does get the last laugh? The "King of the Jungle" will die one day and then what? Well, maybe Mufasa said it best, "  Yes, Simba, but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the great Circle of Life."

Adopting a Senior Dog

I was the one who laughed at people that cooked for their dogs. Then, one day...I found myself cooking ground hamburger meat for mine as a special treat. I even gave him his own chicken breast cut up into small pieces when I cooked a meal for the family. Who in the world had I become?! I am now one of those crazy "animal lovers" I had alwys poked fun at.

Once upon a time...I thought maybe we have been doing this dog thing all wrong. We would start off with a cute puppy and then said puppy would chew on everything including ripping off my screens on my windows. Puppies are a lot of work. Big puppies are even a lot more work. So, it dawned on me. Old dogs are past that puppy phase and so why not give it a try.

So, I loaded up the kids one day and headed to the pound. I was hoping to get a tamed, fat, lazy dog that I had seen in an ad the day before that was at the pound. I knew the kids would be scared walking into the area where the bigger dogs were because they all barked and it was a little unneerving and scary. I thought I'd warm them up in the puppy room clearly indicating we weren't getting a puppy. My daughter has never been a lover of pets. When I tell you that she passed by little chihuahas and puppies without even a sense of, "Oh, how cute!" that is true. Then, there was this little scrawny Maltese that looked at Amber and it was unlike anything I had ever seen. It was love at first sight!! Amber begged and begged and I knew it would be a hard sell to her Dad who wanted an older but bigger dog. Long story short...Amber won (Daddy's girl).

We learned that Frosty's owner had died and Frosty had nowhere to go. We also learned he was a Senior Dog, a little over 10 years old. He is set and spoiled in his ways. I'm sure he knows my every thought ;) He is the best lap dog and cuddle in bed dog ever! If he thinks you are taking him out for a walk he starts chasing his tail in circles. He makes you cook for him sometimes ;)

I often wonder about his previous owner. It is obvious this person loved and cared very much for this dog. The dog has trained us and not the other way around. I wonder if Frosty misses his owner sometimes. I'm convinced he does. Adopting a Senior Dog has been the best thing our family has done pet wise. People ask, "aren't you worried he'll die on you soon?" I've been told that I'm "Doggy Hospice" adopting a much older dog. The answer is, no, I think more people should adopt older dogs. They deserve to live out the rest of their lives in happy homes. Just because they're old doesn't mean their time has passed. My "Old Dog" is very wise. He's like Yoda Dog.

Consider adopting an older pet. They're more interested in cuddles than doing strange things to your leg. Besides, it's kind of fun saying, "Shady Pines" when he does something he's not supposed to be doing like leaving a little gift on the rug on occasion big enough for "Google Earth" to see, so my husband says.

So, How is Funeral Directing School Going?

I am always being asked how school is going?  Yes, funeral directing school.  I always find it awkward when I reply, "It's going well..or great!"  A part of me feels like I should be saying it in a tone that is more reserved or sad since after all, funerals aren't often thought of as happy occasions. While we do pause and celebrate the lives of those we loved that have passed on it is still an emotional area that brings us to tears. The truth is though, I really am enjoying what I'm studying.  I am taking a total of 6 classes right now.  My hardest yet most fascinating one is Anatomy.  I just appreciate the whole intricacies and little details that make up who we are.  I mean, ventricles in the brain and cerebrospinal fluid just mind boggles me that such care and thought went into our creation! Call me weird...I have just a much better appreciation about these things than I did when I was taking biology in HS and College.  My other current favorite class is the Types of Funeral Services and Ceremonies class.  I have so far covered ceremonies of Mormons, Orthodox, Episcopalian, Roman Catholic, Church of Christian Science, and Jewish.  Amazing I say! Just getting a glimpse into the rites these denominations perform has made me realize how much I really just don't know.  While I see that bantering back and forth on social media etc. about how bad any religion is (mostly Christians on social media) I just have to ask myself, "Do people really take the time to get to know someone else's perspective before bashing hate towards anything that affects one's soul?"  Religion practices are medicine for people's soul regardless of what anyone believes in.  There is an invisible line of respect there that I believe is a boundary we must not cross.  My job will allow me the opportunity to console and help people of all different faiths and walks of life.  A funeral is a place where I would never dare to cross a line in suggesting anyone must believe in anything other than what they believe in to get to heaven.  After all, I really don't have any concrete answers. Does anyone?  It is not my place to be dictator of any one's truth.  I have a slew of other funeral rites to study but have found what I've been learning so far to be very humanitarian.  So before we're so sure we know where anyone else is coming from or certain that what anyone believes is "wrong" take a minute and remind ourselves, "we don't really know everything about anything."