Torn Between Two Christmas Meanings

My daughter asked me what my favorite holiday was last night. Always without hesitation I say Thanksgiving. I admit I've gone a little overboard on Halloween but, turkey day is by far the one. "Why not Christmas," she asked. I had to take a long deep breath before I answered that.
The irony of it all is that I'm a believer. I believe Jesus was born and is my saviour. I believe that Mary was a Virgin and that our King was born in a manger. So, what is it that gets me all flustered when I think of Christmas?
Well, quite frankly, I despise the commercialism of it all. I think it's a huge slap in the face of a day of celebration that really belongs to Jesus. Yes, I buy the gifts, I hang the decorations, I hang the stockings and even get giddy about making cookies for Santa with the kids. So, I guess you can say I'm a hypocrite when it comes to my Jekyl and Hyde feelings over this holiday. I love the sights, sounds, and smells of the holiday. To say that it's my favorite holiday would just a baahumbug moment for me. It's self reflecting. It's actually quite stressful. The Christmas I yearn for is the Christmas I had as a child. It went a little something like...we only got one or two presents each under the tree. We visited family without the pressure of buying or giving gifts to any adults. We didn't have much but we had love and occasionally tamales. We had the Christmas story. We even had a real Christmas tree, though small, its smell still brings back warm memories. My hope is that one day I can lay down the burden at the cross when it comes to this holiday that in reality has me pulled in both directions. I think I'm almost there. Each year the burden of having to please everyone gets a little lighter. My husband said he didn't want cookies for "Santa" this year. There's just too many. Ok, well I guess he'll have some birthday cake for Jesus that we leave out for "Santa" instead. I'm guessing "Santa" might like German Chocolate ;) The candle lit being the one that is lit at midnight services. For once I'd like to just be a graceful receiver. I'd like to just kneal before a manger and graciously acknowledge the ultimate gift that has already been given to me and leave it at that. To walk away feeling a bit like the "drummer boy." "I have no gift to bring, that's fit to give a King....pa rum pum pum pum!"