Reese's, A Fishing Rod, Grace, and Namaste....These are a A Few of my Funeral Things

I recently had a friend tell me I should journal about my funeral directing journey. I have often thought about this because I mostly want to do it for my kids...so they can have some sort of idea of what their mother was like or did outside of the laundry someday ;)  Without ever trespassing on any one's privacy I would love to share with them things that really teach me more about living than about death in this business.  Here are just a few examples I have so far.
I once had a lady come in before her father's funeral and express to me how important it was that a Folger's bucket that held her daddy's fishing poles be displayed during the service. It was important to the grand kids as they had just gone fishing with their grandpa the week before his passing and I thought it was just a lovely gesture. There was a fishing tackle box with his picture on it also and I have to hand it to talented, amazing florists for making an easel of flowers that had mini fishing rods attached to it. Fishing with grandpa became a memory but oh, what a Fish story of love that ended up being.
Then there was a whole flight squadron that came in their uniforms to the funeral for a young son of one of their own.  I lost my composure a little bit....I'm telling you it was hard to hold back the tears.  Every man and woman in their neatly pressed uniforms and polished shoes. Such a feeling of respect and admiration could not help but be felt that day and what a beautiful expression of support for the family that was.
Then there was the graveside service for a lady who always had soda pop handy in her fridge when company came over to visit because that's what people used to do you see....we used to visit...not text...and we had soda pops.  I mention her because her son had a violin player play "Amazing Grace".  It was the most beautiful "Amazing Grace" I have ever heard. It was played on a drizzly overcast morning at the graveside and I felt surely this woman had arrived safely to her resting place and I couldn't help but feel like she was having a soda pop with her Creator...just visiting.
Recently, as I walked into a chapel there was a bowl of Reese's peanut butter cups set out by a family,  tempting the chocolate addict in me.  I thought that if we don't get this service going soon I'm going to eat that whole bowl of peanut butter cups, try to explain it to the family, and then get fired all in the name of chocolate!  Their mother/grandmother had a favorite candy and they never saw her without them. She loved Reese's cups and so they thought it would be a great gesture to offer them to people who came into the service in her honor.  I thought it was precious...devilishly tempting...but just precious.
I did have a blessed opportunity to attend a Buddhist service.  I just share this because I love the diversity I get to be involved with in what I do. I say diversity but, we all have the same emotions.   My embalming instructor in school was Buddhist...and I always really enjoyed our discussions.  See, it took someone different from me to teach me a little something about what I love.  So, I end with this quote, "It is better to spend one day contemplating the birth and death of all things than a hundred years never contemplating beginning and ending." Buddha
Go fishing with your Grandpa....make an honorable military gesture...have a day where you eat nothing but chocolate and don't feel guilty about it....feel "Amazing Grace"  throughout your life and Namaste!!

When the Begats and the Whydats are Wearisome

Sometimes, I get frustrated reading the Bible.  Recently, I had a moment where I just had to close the book and have a talk (prayer) with the Lord.  In my reflection I expressed that I had trouble with a lot of the begats, whodats, what'sthat, how'sthat, whichdats, and whydats, of the Bible.  Sometimes, I don't know where to start or stop. Ok, that happens all the time. When I find something I like I later learn that based on someone's interpretation that it was actually a letter to so and so and not really written to me.  I finally decided to get to basics.  Basic...I'm born naked...without any mode of survival other than what those around me give me and nurture me with.  The bible I learned in the Sunday School of my youth is an entirely different one that I learned from the studies of my adulthood.  I had to take the Old Testament and New Testament classes in college....made a D for passing in Old and a B in New. Ask me to name all the books of the bible in order....I can't do it....ask me where to find a lot of biblical stories....can't do it.  I can tell you John 3:16-17 and quote many others without the chapter and the verse.  Ask me why the bible says what it does and why many characters seem really nutty....I can't tell you.  All I know is before I was old enough to realize that the bible actually had a historical depth to it as to writers of the books and the reasons behind it, Ms. Pearl, my bus driver to elementary school in Houston, TX picked me up one morning...she gave me a book that was the Lord's Prayer....and I would get a pickle if I could recite it or for good behavior.  I can tell you that before my mother, Alma, died she would go to dialysis treatments full of doubt in God and if it weren't for a lady that took care of her at that treatment center and prayed with her and gave her comfort, she would have lost the strength of faith and hope.  I can tell you that there are people that I run into that don't overthink what the bible says...they feel it...they know that their relationship with God is real because it is inherent within them.  Many times they are better equipped spiritually than the one that overthinks the context of the bible.  Prove to me that the love we feel for other people in our lives is strictly based on science, that appreciation for art, nature, music,whatever, is strictly moving something other than the soul then I really don't have much defense when it comes to spirituality. I don't need a scripture to throw in someone's face to prove otherwise. We all have our own spiritual journey.  I am at peace with not knowing all the answers and with taking a break away from the details that get in the way of a relationship with God.  It is my belief that at the hour of my death....there will not be a grumpy old troll asking me to quote scripture beyond my comprehension in order to pass through the pearly gates.  In fact, I don't know what will happen but then to paraphrase someone, "I don't remember being anxious or knowing what happened at birth."  Whatever your journey with your soul...in depth or not...be kind to yourself...don't let arrogance get in the way of having to have the answers you want and don't feel you have to constantly prove yourself or your existence.  Be you and most importantly...Be love.

Weddings, Abilene, Hair, and Politics

Sometimes, I have all these random thoughts that I just can't narrow it down to just one topic to write about in a blog so, the following has no flow or rhyme and reason...just some thoughts I've pondered on recently.

Excited about my sister's wedding.  I love weddings.  I cry at them...judge the bridesmaids attire ;), love the cakes, the flowers, and most importantly the exchanging of vows. It's in that one moment when vows are exchanged that makes me fall in love with true love all over again, a promise to one another that to seek the best for each other is worth a sacrifice of self.  In the vows...there is no.."Your job is to make me happy...buy me a yacht or win the lottery....you better put your own clothes away....look like you did when you were 20 for the rest of your life....serve me or else." In fact, it is just the opposite...vows that express a desire to give the other one love in the good and bad times...in the grey hair days, bald head days, and better than Donald Trump hair days.  It's not about where the world has gone wrong with these vows....I'm not an expert in marriage...still trying to figure the whole thing out. I have no say in how people should live their lives as a married couple...whatever. I just simply like the vows exchanged at weddings that are truly an expression of what love is meant to be about.  The way we preach day in and day out about how we want social justices in the world etc. Unconditional...dragged through the poop and swimming in the crystal clear oceans kind of love.

I love Abilene!  I was driving down Buffalo Gap Rd. the other night in the rain.  A rare time when there was no one on the road but me.  I never thought I'd come back here and in fact it was never a goal to come back.  I remember when I was young I told my Dad, "I can't wait to move to a big city and get out of this town."  My Dad took offense and rightly so.  Driving down the road that night I felt this huge burden lifted off of my shoulders that I'd been carrying around for awhile and didn't even realize it.  It's where I need to be in this season of my life for sure.

Getting my hair done has been an experience in this town.  I decided at the end of the day to try the local beauty school.  The students need the practice and I guess I was brave and cheap.  While my hair turned out fine....the last thing you ever want to hear while your hair is covered in gunk is, " Oh my God...I am so sorry."  I turned pale but in the end...it was a very minor timing issue and not one that would have ruined my hair. Thank you Lord!!

People's political devotions and intolerances are getting on my nerves.  I  am not perfect and I know I have posted my share of different opinions but when people cannot tolerate each other's differences especially after they go on and on about their own...it just irks me.  So, fine...say what you want about not preaching God whatever but then the next social media post or language has to do with political indoctrination. In my opinion...religion and politics hate each other because they are exactly alike.

Well, blogs aren't supposed to be novels so I'll save more of my thoughts for another day.

"Houston Means I'm One Step Closer to You"

Dear Houston,
     The first memory I have of you was Peppermint Park.  It was such a treat to get to go there when I was little.  AstroWorld...cable cars where you would ride across the park and look down on it thinking you were on top of the world.  The Houston Zoo....gorillas...lion water fountains...and later, overnight camps with my kid.  Astrodome and the Houston Oilers...I still remember my dad singing "Houston Oilers Number One" as we left the stadium when I was about 7.  Charlie's Hamburger Joint.  To this day I can't find another hamburger that was ever as good as Charlie's.  Skyscrapers...beautiful skyline....and can't forget Foley's...the downtown Foley's was a special treat to go to around Christmas when I was a kid.  Underground tunnel with shops and food.  Pine trees....oh how I love Pine trees,pine needles, and pine cones.  Cultural diversity....religious diversity.  The Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo (George Strait would sell out every time).  Galveston...I always felt like I needed 10 showers after going there but the fun day trips including seagull thieves of picnic foods was all worth it.  The Medical Center....the mecca of knowledge and research...and hope.  Magnolia trees...highways...long twisty very high highways.  Rich people....and very poor people.  The Galleria...ice skating...shopping splendor.  Harwin street...knock-off shopping splendor.  Trader's Village...for the flea in all of us.  Tex Mex food....mmm....mmm.  Real Chinese food...ok...all the food that's as diverse and as good as you can imagine.  Theatre District....Museum District...Nasa...where Space Travel once was magical.  Friends...
Houston...you and I became dear dear friends.  I laughed a lot and I definitely cried a lot in your care.  I will miss you and I have to come visit you because you will always be my Heart Home.  I'm trading you in for the wide open spaces of West Texas where the stars are bigger than Big Tex's Cowboy Hat at the State Fair and the smell of cow patties after a good rain is actually something that smells of good country living.  I'll think of you often as my husband will carry on about the Astros and I'll just hope he gets disgruntled about them enough to pack up the car and head to an Astros game one weekend.  Love ya Houston!! Thank you...thank you so much for what I've gained while I've been here.  Twenty years total...that's a greeting card mention.  Maybe at least song worthy.

"Houston Means I'm One Step Closer to You..."

Where's Superman?

This Boston Marathon bombing is such a reminder about the delicacy and strength of our human fabric.  I, like many others, search for answers, for comfort, for unity.  Where do we go and what do we seek when things don't make sense? When evil catches us off guard? When our souls yearn for answers or peace?  I found myself looking up quotes that I might find of comfort. A pretty common and brilliant one posted by many was that of Fred Rogers about looking for the rescuers...those that care during times of tragedy.  I thought about clergy and wondered if they'd have some words of wisdom to make sense of it all.  I sat and listened to our President yesterday yearning for a message of strength and hope. Where's Superman?  Well, look in the mirror and put on your cape people because it's you...it's me...it's everyone with an ounce of integrity.  Love, love, love, and love!! If the greatest commandment is love then do it!!  It is not written that we must love unless....it is written that we must love one another!!  People did that in Boston, after 9/11, after Newtown, after Oklahoma City, after you name it since the beginning of time we have been doing it After.  They didn't walk up to people that were hurt and ask them to pull out their identification about what they believed about politics, religion, race, sex, vegan, meat eater, or lover of cupcakes before they assisted them.    I pledge to stand by anything that stands for love and apply that same screening to help during times of crisis to my everyday life.  I wasn't made for this world for hate...that I don't want to take with me.  I want to love NOW and not just AFTER.  That's my work in progress goal...what's yours? 

My Random Top 10 Thoughts

Things that have randomly bugged me or been on my mind as of late:

1) Whoever stole 5.5 tons of Nutella in Germany...Genius!!

2)  Ok, there's Thatcher and Funicello...there's always 3 so, still waiting...if it's ever Willie Nelson...don't tell me...I'll lose it.  BTW...Britain and Disney lost some spectacular ladies!

3)  Kim Jong-un...hmm...now, he's a character isn't he?  I poke fun at him...but really, a man that controls and mind controls a country...should not be underestimated.

4)  Gun control...I'm no expert and I don't like guns but the way I see it...Whoever is holding the gun no matter how it is obtained...is in control.  I support universal background checks but I'm worried people won't seek treatments for mental illnesses that wouldn't cause them to massacre innocent people because of the stigma of losing a right to protect themselves.  I need more FYI on this matter.  Bills always seem to get passed without really detailing to the public what they mean.  The more you know...

5)  I spoke to a friend of mine today that was at the campus where the exacto knife stabbings took place yesterday.  She said it happened in front of her classroom.  That whole situation is in my thoughts and prayers. How can we prevent these things?  We have mandatory sex-ed classes, anti-bullying classes,  alcohol awareness classes, but do we need mandatory Mental Health awareness classes?  There's no shame in having a mental illness...there is shame in not doing something about it.

6)  I like The Talk way better than The View...someone please cancel The View.

7)  I miss Ann Curry on Today, so glad Dallas is on the air, please get rid of all the bachelor/bachelorette shows, and obviously I watch too much tv if I care about these things.

8)  How lovely it is to step away from the noise every now and then

9)  One day at a time.

10)  Teaching my daughter how to drive...not my strong point.

Calm Yourself Down!

The sound of your child at 2 a.m. struggling to breathe is nerve wracking for any parent.  Last night was one of those nights.  Bryant has had the fun of the croup that always requires an ER visit since he was a baby.  He hasn't had a spell since he was 2 and I was so hopeful he had outgrown it...but nope..not yet.  My other kids barked through the night but this little guy develops stridor, a very labored breathing which looks and sounds like he is breathing through a capri sun straw, along with his bark.  There was no warning before he went to bed, no illness, no cold...nada...just a sudden he's awake and he can't breathe.  Before I go any further...let me assure you he is fine now...all is well that ends well...but this is more of a blog about how everyone should have that, "Calm the crud down" kind of person in their lives...or at least one on speed dial.
Last night...Toby held onto Bryant while I threw on anything I found...pretty sure I tried to put my bra on the outside of my shirt...and the whole time I'm debating whether or not to call an ambulance as I know at this point I can get him to a hospital quicker than the ambulance can. Toby the whole time...calm...yet I know scared as heck...kept reassuring me to calm down or I'll scare Bryant and make it worse. These are the times I just wish Calgon would turn into a giant fairy, come down and swoop me away like magic! Grabbed my keys...and my kid...ran to the van...had to pull my dog out of the car as he decided he wanted to go with us and was being stubborn....I slammed the door and was so relieved when I saw Toby with shoes in hand open the passenger side door and climb in with me. As I drove he kept an eye on little man as I flashed my hazard lights and drove like a NASCAR driver to the nearest hospital.  All the while...Toby calmly.....yet inwardly freaking out over my driving skills,  reminds me that if I don't slow down and take it easy we are all going to get killed on our way there.  Pulled into the ER drive and they took us back during triage. Thank goodness! 
Three hours go by after breathing treatments, vomit, and steroids...and as I laid my head down on my pillow all I said was "Thank you Lord for the people in my life that help keep me calm in the storms."  I knew if my husband panicked....then there was something to panic about...because he is blessed with the cool head in our family. 
So, what have I learned?  A) Probably a good idea to have a central location to store middle of the night things you might need to take and wear with you in case of an emergency B) Have a designated Has to stay Calm person...and tag team if necessary C) Have at least a few people down on speed dial that you could call in the middle of the night and tell them you feel like robbing a bank...and they would either calm you down and talk you out of it....or join you!