She'll be 18 in a month and able to vote! Passing on the baton of democracy..a simple joy or is it?

My daughter will be 18 in a month. I can't believe it. One of the things that I've thought about is that this will be her first Presidential election to vote in. What an exciting time for her. I've seen her grow into ideas and thoughts that she has become passionate about. I remember feeling many similar feelings when I was her age. Taking on beliefs and stances when I was her age with a passion. A passion I miss in myself sometimes. Once I grew (still growing), spread my wings, saw life from different perspectives that only life can teach you sometimes, I became wary of where I stood indefinitely. I see a lot more grey now than ever before. I was the girl that sat in her car with a friend in my youth and basically shouted to the rooftops that Hillary Clinton was really the President and Bill was just the man that got to sit in the chair, well, because, he is a man. I've also rallied for pro-life causes until life opened my eyes to some things I wish I hadn't seen, hadn't known about, etc. that made that area much greyer than how I used to see it. I'm not the battle cry kind for pro-choice, in fact I lean way more towards the pro-life side, but my passion lies in the human condition more than anything. Also, a God that I don't understand the way I thought I used to, the God I was so sure about, has also in fact become greyer to me than the certainties the Sunday School classes of my youth had taught me. He's greyer but I feel closer if that makes any sense.

There was a time I knew exactly where I stood on questions of moral choices, who I felt God was, my faith, my convictions so to say. I think the big difference now is that I've understood the power of grace. Grace I learned from a God I don't fully understand and I don't think I'm supposed to. The bible has become a beautiful book, a confusing book, a book written by man but inspired by God, and a book of incomprehension to me at times. To be honest, I failed Old Testament class in college, well D for passing. I think it was all the Begat, Begot, and Beafraid, that got me. I aced New testament though. Anyway, point being, talk about some soul searching in the Old testament. A God portrayed in some ways we don't like to talk about. We want to talk about the good God and how wonderful he makes everything. You want some meat and potatoes, read the Old Testament. I'm thankful for biblical scholars that can shed some light in those areas because I surely can't.

I see death day in and day out. I've seen babies before their birth into the world. Babies that didn't have a chance to feel the embrace of a mother's arms. Then I go to funerals where it's all about God had a reason for this and plans our lives and uses us for this and that. I have to be honest, I don't know how I feel about that anymore. I asked someone how they dealt with the whole baby dying and how he tries to make sense of God after seeing something like that? Oh and forget it, when there are children of any age that funerals have to be planned for, I'm spiritually just drained, the good God goes out the window for me. My friend said, "I believe we have a conception date and a death date." Gave me some thought, not much comfort, but thought. In His Hands...that's the only sense it makes to me. Good or bad...that's where I have to put it because my limited mind cannot relate. I think that's why I find my escape in humor. It's just too much to carry the burden of grim reaper all the time. I'm sure others can relate that are in stressful jobs. There has to be a healthy outlet in order to maintain the sanity and sensitivity our professions require of us.

Where does this leave me? I yearn for the simple times when I was so sure of it all. I'm thankful for the times that has forced me to reflect on something more intricate, fragile, strong, and more meaningful about our souls. While I wish I knew exactly what box to check when I vote, I also feel there should be a box that simply states, "Vote for the guy/gal that likes elephants and donkeys." In other words, I think it's time for a Labrador party. Ok, joking aside, I'd rather vote for someone that has room for growth. While my daughter will do her research and vote for where she stands in the place she is now, I will do the same. We are all in different places. At one time I was seriously hoping Ralph Nader stood a chance. I think he's a brilliant man with the charm of an ice cube but, I think he has some good ideas. My husband begs to differ. That's the nice thing about our family, we don't always see the same way and that's ok.

I'm excited to see my daughter spread her wings, learn to fly...soar, and pay her own bills ;) There's an energy there that is so hopeful. A spark that can light roman candles all around her. I hope she never loses that spark, even if she becomes a lantern...the light of wisdom along the way.

"What would you do if I sang out of tune..would you stand up and walk out on me?"

It's almost become a broken record.  I sit down with a family to go over funeral arrangements and the following words go like this, "Mom, didn't even know who I was anymore. She hasn't for years."  I'm talking about Alzheimer's. While commonly referred to as the "Old persons disease," trust me, it can be the whole family's disease.  It's a quiet disease, one not given the publicity or urgency to find a cure for probably because well, let's face it, when someone has "lived out their life...well, it's just their time."  I am going to beg to differ.  What do people talk about most at funerals? Besides Jesus, it's the memories of our loved one. "We're really a composite of our life experiences-memory layered upon memory and Alzheimer's steals that away."-Meryl Comer.   The person with Alzheimer's has been robbed of those memories.  It's the hope in heaven that we can only resolve ourselves to think that someone is free finally from the prison of not knowing you were ever let's say the President of the U.S., ex. Ronald Reagan.
We are accustomed to throwing away the "old."  The old is someone's mom, dad, sister, friend, etc. They are someone's Memory! It is not ok to be dismissive about Alzheimer's because well "they're going to die soon anyway." People around them that love them die a little too.  Kids and grandkids go to visit their loved ones only to be unrecognized by the hands that used to rock them to sleep.  That could be any one of us. The following is from the  http://www.alzfdn.org/ website:

It is estimated that about a half million Americans younger than age 65 have some form of dementia, including Alzheimer's disease. (This is referred to as young onset or early onset.)

It is estimated that one to four family members act as caregivers for each individual with Alzheimer's disease

This has been something that has been on my heart. Worth a share...worth awareness. Let's not forget about Alzheimer's.

I'm reminded of a Joe Cocker song:

What Would You Do If I Sang Out Of Tune
Would You Stand Up And Walk Out On Me
Lend Me Your Ears And I'll Sing You A Song
I Will Try Not To Sing Out Of Key
Said I'm gonna make it with my friends, I will
(try with a little help from my friends)

Pray for a caregiver of a loved one with Alzheimer's today...pamper them with a little something, a gift card to a restaurant, a pedicure...a nice card, even flowers.  Better yet, take them to lunch and just listen even if it's not about what they are going through.  Sometimes, a breath of fresh air just to get out and feel normal and not guilty for taking care of themselves is enough.  Caregivers are often the silent victims of this disease. Loyalty and duty come with the territory but a caregiver needs recharges also and support.

This week in Christmas, Ho Ho to the HO HO HO!

The tree is up...has been for a week and I still haven't put any decorations on it.  I have Santa hats on my dining chairs but my tablecloth still screams Happy Thanksgiving!.  Bronchitis, croup, dental fillings, pharmacy phone tag, and a partridge  in a pear tree called health insurance has made a week off from work quite not what I had thought it was going to be.
I'm planning on taking my daughter to a funeral for a childhood friend.  The whole thing just makes me sad and mad. Parents shouldn't be allowed to go through the worst hell on earth like that.  Oh, I've had lots of talks with God about things like that.  I see a lot of stuff that makes me just go, Ugh...really, God? Really!? I heard a sermon the other day about being cynical in our faith and I have to admit there are times I go there.  I can be cynical. There are days I just throw my hands up in the air and just say, "Ya know, God is God...I am done trying to make sense of the Man!" Isn't that what He told Moses anyway, he said, "I Am Who I Am." Ok, well, that still doesn't answer the question, is what I want to say but guess what..."I Am Who I Am" has to be good enough.
I used to think that when we died we'd know all the answers to everything.  I don't know if that's true anymore. Honestly, there are things I'd rather not know and if God's will is on earth as it is in Heaven then I'm not really sure we are meant to ever know all the answers. If heaven is what it's claimed to be...I don't think we'll care, really.
So, where does this leave me.  Thankful I got a fake poinsettia at Bunco the other night, that's for sure!  With the rate I'm getting the Christmas thing going a real poinsettia would not have stood a chance in this house.  Makes me want to go ahead and fill out the survey for the pizza place for a free Crazy Bread, not stress over not finding Rudolph stamps, stay in my pajamas even if I go to Wal-Mart today, leave Santa milk and tofu instead of cookies because I'm still bitter I never got a pink Barbie car for Christmas (Barbie had to ride on top of the Little People School Bus to pick up her friends for crying out loud!), and I hope that my silverware from last year that was packed in a box during the move will finally pop up in the Christmas decorations box! Oh, and if anyone has hidden my Feliz Navidad singing Chihuaha as they have in years past...well, guess what...I'm not in the mood. We are having a Feliz Navidad with the chihuaha or there's no Christmas at all. Good Day!

Freshly Squeezed

Awhile back I was walking toward my car and caught a glimpse of stacked boxes once filled with oranges.  They were used for the freshly squeezed orange juice they had on their menu.  Freshly squeezed, now there's a blog post, I thought.  I began to think about how day in and day out there are little things that just make me feel that kind of tension. The tension of having to just squeeze out a little bit more of the good stuff out of me when I feel like I'm down to my last drop. It's so much better to handle being squeezed when I'm refreshed!
Everything from not forgetting the lunch money for the kids, washing underwear because everyone's about out, forgetting my dog at the groomers (yes, it's happened) not because I wanted to but because life just gets so busy and chaotic sometimes that I plain just get swept away in the details of something else that I forget to look at my watch.  Thankfully, my dog groomer was forgiving and waited after closing time for me to pick up my beloved fluffy old man of a dog. 
Sometimes I work 8 days straight without a day off, I have to get up in the middle of the night and go to someone's house because their loved one has passed away...then get up and still be at work at eight o'clock the next morning in ironed clothes and combed hair.  Sometimes, I cry along with the families....watching a mother bury her child or a spouse that has lost their best friend for over 50 years and now they are just lost without them, going to a hospital to pick up an infant while others are rejoicing over their blessed births, seeing lives being taken by cancer, Alzheimer's, Lou Gehrig's, special needs, drug overdoses, car accidents, suicides, the list goes on and on...well this can all just weigh a little bit. I love my job...don't get me wrong...I love serving families and friends...but I have found that I can only be my best when I am freshly squeezed. This goes for my personal life as well.  I'm a better mom and wife if I just can get a little break every now and then. 
What does this mean for me? This means...having a sense of humor.  Most of you that know me know that my sense of humor is a little nuts so to speak...it's a great escape though.  This means...taking a few days off and just doing a few things for myself in conjunction with the catching up with the things I need to get done in my personal life...hence finally catching up on the laundry and bathing the dog. This means loving on my family and friends.  A great night of bunco always helps or even lunch with a friend!  A great night at the movies with you and your teenage daughter laughing at all the parts that are supposed to be serious helps.  A call from my sisters telling me about their daily adventures, drinking coffee, planning a little getaway, and reading a good book...these are things that always help me.
So, when it comes time to face the challenges of work and life...I feel like I'm able to be freshly squeezed. The people I love and serve are able to get the good stuff down to my last drop. Have you taken some time out of the craziness of your life to re-energize yourself, refresh yourself, and regroup yourself in order to be freshly squeezed?  Don't forget to do so.  I think we're all a little more tolerable and more valuable when we do. That's why freshly squeezed is a little higher than the concentrate. You're worth it.

Mel's Random Christmas Thoughts

Mel's Random Christmas Thoughts:

Shopping for teenagers...Ugh...just throw cash in the air Christmas morning and have them catch and run with it to the nearest shopping mall.

Pokémon cards are really not that easy to find.

I wish we could all get the feeling of "If I don't get so and so something for Christmas" they'll hate me out of our thinking.  Do for the kids only...I say. Everyone else over 18...get a job and get your own gifts. Christmas shouldn't be about obligation. If you have crossed that bridge of no guilt Christmas gift giving...Congrats!  (This excludes charitable giving to adults and children)

Inflatable Nativity Scenes....I'm trying to like this...not quite there...but hey...I'm keeping an open mind.  It's better than the plumbing company I saw display a Santa Sleigh made out of painted brown toilets with decorated reindeer antlers. No lie...so help me sometimes I click my heels to go to Kansas....for moments like that.

New Christmas Carols would be nice.  Renditions of the Oh' Holy Night over and over again...c'mon...surely someone can write a good memorable Christmas song these days.  Why doesn't anyone?  No one roasts chestnuts anymore. Rudolph should have automatic lights by now. Clap on clap off...Go Rudolph! I mean really. 

Quit making Santa skinny!! He's fine just the way he is.

Tinsel..I've never used it.  Apparently, it's something cats like and it makes the litter box festive.

Know that it's ok to miss your loved ones at Christmas.  Pretending to be happy can be so draining.  Do what you have to do and don't feel guilty about it.  Enjoy the season in spurts if you have to. There is no right or wrong way to do the Holidays.

Jesus...I think about his mom, Mary, this time of year. I know...technically it's not really his birthday and all...but I can't help but really wonder about her sometimes.  I would love to know what raising him was like. Did he have colic...did he get sick and she was there for him...was he a little rebellious as a kid...? Did she keep a diary? 

I may not be a perfectionist at Christmas...I don't do the elf on the shelf (although, I think I'd have way too much fun with it).  I don't wrap presents...I stuff them in bags with tissue paper...I decorate half purposeful...online shopping is my saving grace....making cookies for Santa...comes out of the Oreo's box nowadays...and I've lost count on how many days til Christmas it is.  One thing I do know is that I still love this time of year.  Friends, family, love, and peace on earth (even if it's wishful thinking)...and a gift wrapped in swaddling clothes...who was later wrapped in a seamless robe upon the cross...that's what it means to me.  Whatever it means to you...so be it...have a Blessed Holiday! A little Peace and Joy doesn't hurt anyone. 

Peace and prayers to Christians in countries that aren't allowed to even speak of Christ.

Second Place Joy

I hear frequent eulogies.  Most recently I heard one that finally put a phrase into the kind of joy that is difficult to really describe without it sounding like someone is a push over. We live day in and day out in a competitive world. Those that sit back and watch and cheer from the sidelines are often not given the credit they deserve. What if some people define success entirely differently? What if simplicity and soul comfort are really the only things someone desires to be happy? What if the happiness of others is really something that brings joy to someone? How do you describe these people?  They or we are the people of "second place joy." 

Second place joy! That's it..."The Wind Beneath My Wings" description. 
We may not all be too far from that.  Outside of goals and achievements from ourselves we all have a second place joy. Think about it:

You watch your child achieve more than you could ever have. (it makes you happy)
You give to the needy (it makes you happy)
You root for the underdog...and they win (it makes you happy)
You give when you don't have much really to give (it makes you happy)
You support someone else's dream (it makes you happy)
You sacrifice your own wants for someone else's (it makes you happy)

Fill in the blank....when we put others before ourselves and it makes us happy....second place joy. I like it.  Second place let's you win. There's the joy.

Reese's, A Fishing Rod, Grace, and Namaste....These are a A Few of my Funeral Things

I recently had a friend tell me I should journal about my funeral directing journey. I have often thought about this because I mostly want to do it for my kids...so they can have some sort of idea of what their mother was like or did outside of the laundry someday ;)  Without ever trespassing on any one's privacy I would love to share with them things that really teach me more about living than about death in this business.  Here are just a few examples I have so far.
I once had a lady come in before her father's funeral and express to me how important it was that a Folger's bucket that held her daddy's fishing poles be displayed during the service. It was important to the grand kids as they had just gone fishing with their grandpa the week before his passing and I thought it was just a lovely gesture. There was a fishing tackle box with his picture on it also and I have to hand it to talented, amazing florists for making an easel of flowers that had mini fishing rods attached to it. Fishing with grandpa became a memory but oh, what a Fish story of love that ended up being.
Then there was a whole flight squadron that came in their uniforms to the funeral for a young son of one of their own.  I lost my composure a little bit....I'm telling you it was hard to hold back the tears.  Every man and woman in their neatly pressed uniforms and polished shoes. Such a feeling of respect and admiration could not help but be felt that day and what a beautiful expression of support for the family that was.
Then there was the graveside service for a lady who always had soda pop handy in her fridge when company came over to visit because that's what people used to do you see....we used to visit...not text...and we had soda pops.  I mention her because her son had a violin player play "Amazing Grace".  It was the most beautiful "Amazing Grace" I have ever heard. It was played on a drizzly overcast morning at the graveside and I felt surely this woman had arrived safely to her resting place and I couldn't help but feel like she was having a soda pop with her Creator...just visiting.
Recently, as I walked into a chapel there was a bowl of Reese's peanut butter cups set out by a family,  tempting the chocolate addict in me.  I thought that if we don't get this service going soon I'm going to eat that whole bowl of peanut butter cups, try to explain it to the family, and then get fired all in the name of chocolate!  Their mother/grandmother had a favorite candy and they never saw her without them. She loved Reese's cups and so they thought it would be a great gesture to offer them to people who came into the service in her honor.  I thought it was precious...devilishly tempting...but just precious.
I did have a blessed opportunity to attend a Buddhist service.  I just share this because I love the diversity I get to be involved with in what I do. I say diversity but, we all have the same emotions.   My embalming instructor in school was Buddhist...and I always really enjoyed our discussions.  See, it took someone different from me to teach me a little something about what I love.  So, I end with this quote, "It is better to spend one day contemplating the birth and death of all things than a hundred years never contemplating beginning and ending." Buddha
Go fishing with your Grandpa....make an honorable military gesture...have a day where you eat nothing but chocolate and don't feel guilty about it....feel "Amazing Grace"  throughout your life and Namaste!!