She'll be 18 in a month and able to vote! Passing on the baton of democracy..a simple joy or is it?

My daughter will be 18 in a month. I can't believe it. One of the things that I've thought about is that this will be her first Presidential election to vote in. What an exciting time for her. I've seen her grow into ideas and thoughts that she has become passionate about. I remember feeling many similar feelings when I was her age. Taking on beliefs and stances when I was her age with a passion. A passion I miss in myself sometimes. Once I grew (still growing), spread my wings, saw life from different perspectives that only life can teach you sometimes, I became wary of where I stood indefinitely. I see a lot more grey now than ever before. I was the girl that sat in her car with a friend in my youth and basically shouted to the rooftops that Hillary Clinton was really the President and Bill was just the man that got to sit in the chair, well, because, he is a man. I've also rallied for pro-life causes until life opened my eyes to some things I wish I hadn't seen, hadn't known about, etc. that made that area much greyer than how I used to see it. I'm not the battle cry kind for pro-choice, in fact I lean way more towards the pro-life side, but my passion lies in the human condition more than anything. Also, a God that I don't understand the way I thought I used to, the God I was so sure about, has also in fact become greyer to me than the certainties the Sunday School classes of my youth had taught me. He's greyer but I feel closer if that makes any sense.

There was a time I knew exactly where I stood on questions of moral choices, who I felt God was, my faith, my convictions so to say. I think the big difference now is that I've understood the power of grace. Grace I learned from a God I don't fully understand and I don't think I'm supposed to. The bible has become a beautiful book, a confusing book, a book written by man but inspired by God, and a book of incomprehension to me at times. To be honest, I failed Old Testament class in college, well D for passing. I think it was all the Begat, Begot, and Beafraid, that got me. I aced New testament though. Anyway, point being, talk about some soul searching in the Old testament. A God portrayed in some ways we don't like to talk about. We want to talk about the good God and how wonderful he makes everything. You want some meat and potatoes, read the Old Testament. I'm thankful for biblical scholars that can shed some light in those areas because I surely can't.

I see death day in and day out. I've seen babies before their birth into the world. Babies that didn't have a chance to feel the embrace of a mother's arms. Then I go to funerals where it's all about God had a reason for this and plans our lives and uses us for this and that. I have to be honest, I don't know how I feel about that anymore. I asked someone how they dealt with the whole baby dying and how he tries to make sense of God after seeing something like that? Oh and forget it, when there are children of any age that funerals have to be planned for, I'm spiritually just drained, the good God goes out the window for me. My friend said, "I believe we have a conception date and a death date." Gave me some thought, not much comfort, but thought. In His Hands...that's the only sense it makes to me. Good or bad...that's where I have to put it because my limited mind cannot relate. I think that's why I find my escape in humor. It's just too much to carry the burden of grim reaper all the time. I'm sure others can relate that are in stressful jobs. There has to be a healthy outlet in order to maintain the sanity and sensitivity our professions require of us.

Where does this leave me? I yearn for the simple times when I was so sure of it all. I'm thankful for the times that has forced me to reflect on something more intricate, fragile, strong, and more meaningful about our souls. While I wish I knew exactly what box to check when I vote, I also feel there should be a box that simply states, "Vote for the guy/gal that likes elephants and donkeys." In other words, I think it's time for a Labrador party. Ok, joking aside, I'd rather vote for someone that has room for growth. While my daughter will do her research and vote for where she stands in the place she is now, I will do the same. We are all in different places. At one time I was seriously hoping Ralph Nader stood a chance. I think he's a brilliant man with the charm of an ice cube but, I think he has some good ideas. My husband begs to differ. That's the nice thing about our family, we don't always see the same way and that's ok.

I'm excited to see my daughter spread her wings, learn to fly...soar, and pay her own bills ;) There's an energy there that is so hopeful. A spark that can light roman candles all around her. I hope she never loses that spark, even if she becomes a lantern...the light of wisdom along the way.